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Let’s Do Better

At some point, we all have to make an effort to improve our quality of life. It’s not easy and it doesn’t happen over night but we need to do it if we want to continue to grow and improve. This past Sunday I watched a sermon from Church of Highlands and one the phrases mentioned stuck out to me.

“Every day we have to choose joy.”

The reason this stuck out to me is because of the choice in wording. We have to CHOOSE joy each day. We have to make a conscious effort to walk in joy each and everyday. Emotions run high, life hits us hard, and we all struggle. That’s why making the choice to walk in joy is so important.

I’m a glass half full type of person. Unfortunately, that side of my personality clashes with my depression and anxiety. I’m usually stuck somewhere in between believing everything will work out and thinking nothing ever will! Ugh! That’s exactly why this message touched home for me. Every time I operated with the intent to stay positive no matter how my day went I saw a change. The way I viewed situations was different. I wasn’t approaching each one thinking about how bad things were, but instead thinking on how it could have been worse but wasn’t.

This is why being intentional is important. It’s not easy to shrug off financial issues, mental health problems, car problems, relationships issues, etc. These are things that could make anyone crawl back into their hole of depression. The key is to put effort into not letting these things color who you are and how to continue to operate. I’m not telling you not to feel. Cry or scream if you need to but keep pushing forward. Keep going even when it’s hard and decide to walk in joy!

Pastor Chris Hodges brought up something that really made me smile and reconsider some things. Tigger from Winnie the Pooh is so positive about his outlook. A Tigger can do anything, a Tigger is great at everything! Tigger doesn’t go into a situation doubting his ability to do it. Even when he fails at it he doesn’t sweat it, he tries again, until he can do it. That innocence allows him to see the world in a different way. At some point that was us! We believed in our ability and our potential. It’s not too late to start believing again.

I think it’s important to start reorganizing our lives in a way that allows us to live up to our potential. Steve Harvey always talks about a vision board and I believe it’s important to have one. Yes having the board is a great idea but what I want to emphasize is the vision. Some of us have gotten so caught up existing that we aren’t living anymore. Stress has become an accessory for so many people and we wear it every day. We need vision again. We need drive. We need a willingness to let go and let God. Let’s make more of an effort to be intentional. Take time to reorganize your life, your mind, your spirit, and CHOOSE to walk in joy.

Let’s do better 💕

Let me know what your vision is? What’s been stopping you from walking in joy? Let me know in the comments. I hope this post has helped you in some way. Be sure to follow my blog Vitamin Key for more!

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Mr. or Ms. #MeToo

The #MeToo movement is a subject that gets a lot of people talking. It’s great that it has provided a platform for there to be more discussion about rape/sexual assault and rape culture. More women and men feel brave enough to come forward about the things they have experienced. It has been an opportunity to help each other heal and get justice for victims who felt they never could. This movement has also shown how vastly different everyone views these types of things, and to be honest it’s not a pretty sight.

Part of the issue is the lack of education. For years certain behaviors have been normalized or gone unchecked. Either people who do it knew it was bad and never got punished, or they didn’t know because the line for certain sexual offenses is so grey. Some answers aren’t so clear and can leave people wondering if the person is really guilty of a malicious act or if they’re simply ignorant to the fact that what they did was wrong. This isn’t the case for everyone but there are instances where this is the case.

There is also the issue of normalcy. Some actions are seen as okay because that’s how they have always been. When I was in junior high boys grabbing girls on their behinds was normal. It was an everyday thing and no one thought twice about it. Most of us actually laughed or playfully hit them for doing it. Even I’m guilty of it if I thought he was cool enough. Imagine that same thing happening now as an adult. Most of us would be inclined to retaliate in some way. Being 25 now, when the same thing happened to me in New Orleans I was angry, disgusted, and felt somewhat embarrassed. I wondered how or why someone thought it was okay. The problem? Normalcy. It’s what a lot of us grew up doing or let happen to us. We have to stop these things at the root before it grows into behavior we think is okay as adults.

Another issue I see is an unwillingness to change. Some people don’t want to change their behavior and will justify it in anyway they can. One of the biggest excuses? Too many women/men lie about this type of thing. Big excuse #2? Some people are just looking for a payday. Even if there are some instances of this, the likelihood is low. The vast majority of cases that we see involve celebrities. It’s much easier to use this type of logic for a celebrity, but what about a woman who gets raped by a part time worker at a fast food restaurant. Was her motivation money? The chances of that is very unlikely. As for lying, that’s something only God and the people involved really know. As outsiders it’s not really within our ability to know the complete truth. Even so, we should have the decency to afford the victim the same benefit of the doubt that some give the person being accused.

As someone who has had something like this hit very close to home, I want to see change. I want to see more victims step forward and claim their lives back from the people/person who victimized them. I want to see more survivors who are pushing forward and out of the darkness something like this brings. I know soooooo many people who have been affected by sexual assault/rape and the majority of them have never pursued the justice that they deserve. About 90% of them were too afraid to tell someone because they didn’t think anyone would believe them. Maybe 10% tried to tell someone and they didn’t believe them or they were blamed instead.

Some men are victims of sexual assault or rape, but don’t view it that way. I know several men who lost their virginity to a woman two to three times their age when they were underage. Some as young as 8 or 7. The difference? Men aren’t taught to value their bodies the same way that most women are. I believe this leads to a disconnect. They in turn grow up now valuing the bodies of others the way that they should as a result. They are taught to look at sex as a badge of honor so although some end up having their innocence taken away at very young ages, they don’t view themselves as victims. Let’s reverse that and say it’s a grown man doing the same with an 8 to 9 year old girl. The image isn’t as palatable, and that’s the problem. Neither should be palatable. Each instance is very much a problem.

What we need is a change in outlook. Too many people view this movement as an attack on them personally. The #MeToo movement is not about the perpetrator but the victims, the SURVIVORS. It’s a movement that started so that more people could come forward and break free the chains that have bound them because of rape and/or sexual assault. This isn’t about making every man (or woman) feel attacked but about empowering the men and women who had theirs taken from them. According to the NSVRC (National Sexual Violence Resource Center):

  • One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives
  • In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime

RAINN (The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) claims that:

  • On average, there are 321,500 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States

The saddest part about these statistics is that most, if not all, of these reports are based on reported crimes and/or interviews. That means that the number is likely much higher but has gone unreported. So many people are affected by this, but are too afraid to speak up. It’s not an easy topic to discuss. Very little people actually want to but it’s important that we do. We have to stop sweeping it under the rug and acknowledge that this is a problem. Be an ear for someone who hasn’t had anyone to talk to. Be a voice for someone who hasn’t found their’s yet…or find yours. If you can’t talk to someone you know call the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673

Your voice deserves to be heard 💕

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A Little Girl Talk: Messy Couch Chronicles Part 1

Hey loves! This new year has reminded me that I have to get new perspective on a lot of things in my life. A new year doesn’t mean a new you, but new opportunities to change, to grow, and to really blossom into the person you want to be. With that in mind I’m making an effort to get back into being more consistent with my blog posts. Baby steps! So it is my goal to at least post once a week.

This week I’m introducing you to one of the new segments I want to start on my YouTube channel: Messy Couch Discussions. I want this to feel like girl talk time. I am inviting you into my house and I want you to grab a seat, sip a little tea, and enjoy the fun! In this video me and my best friend discuss competitiveness among women.

Why do women feel so threatened by each other? Why do they instinctively have an issue with each other before they even get to know each other? It’s sad because when you meet a new person that is an opportunity to uplift. You can be the difference between them having the best day ever or the worst day they’ve had in a long time.

I think the reason it’s so hard for women to get along is competitiveness and a lack of self-confidence. Women grade themselves against each other and feel like other women threaten their opportunities. But that’s ridiculous! Another woman being successful is not meant to be competition but inspiration. Don’t be so worried someone else’s piece of the pie when you could be cutting your own slice. Let’s stop tearing each other down and start pushing each other forward. You could find more meaningful connections by being a source of light instead of darkness.

Please check out the video below from my YouTube channel Vitamin Key. We talk more about this topic. Do you agree? Have you had similar experiences? Were you the one judging or being judged? Let me know in the comments. #LetsTalkAboutIt !

Oh and as always don’t forget to like, share, follow, and subscribe for more content. Stay Fluffy Loves!