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Dating!

So today I did a podcast with my best friend about dating (I’ll leave the link to my podcast at the bottom). We talked about some dating pet peeves, gave a little advice, and just had a blast discussing the topic. I felt like I needed to make a blog post to accompany that podcast since there were a few things I didn’t get to for the sake of time.

Dating can be pretty hard to maneuver nowadays….*sigh*. It’s just not what it used to be. Everyone is so busy living in the moment that they don’t care nearly as much about their future. It’s almost as if they’re afraid to look forward. I understand, it’s easier not to get hurt when you don’t commit in the first place but where’s the fun in that?

If you want something worth having you have to work at it. That applies to a lot of things including a meaningful relationship. The problem is, most people are too afraid to risk getting hurt because they’ve been hurt before. The worse situations are when people hurt others with a “get them before they can get me” type of attitude. What you end up with is a world full of people who have relationship phobias.

I can understand it. At one point I vowed to be single for the rest of my life, and I told myself that it would just be me and God until I R.I.P. The problem with that mentality is that I was avoiding the problem. I didn’t resolve the issue I just hid from it.

What ended up happening was I got lonely. I started to see that I was only doing it because I was still hurting and didn’t want to face that hurt again. That’s not healthy! Instead I turned my focus towards rebuilding my confidence. I forgave my ex and told myself that I would concentrate on being happy with myself. You have to get to the point where you take care of yourself but don’t close yourself off from the possibility of a wonderful relationship.

Everyone claims to be happy with their “situation” until they finally get more. It’s okay to want more. It’s alright to desire a deeper connection and admit that you’re afraid it might never happen. What’s most important is building happiness within. Once you start to change you’ll see opportunities appear that you didn’t think would. Today I want you to allow yourself the chance to take a chance!

On a more lighthearted note, don’t forget to tune into my podcast Vitamin Key titled: Dating! Feat. Nae McCall

Podcast Link: https://anchor.fm/keyra-dominique

(Me and my best friend Nae)

And you know the drill, let me know what you think. Don’t forget to comment, like, share, and follow.

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/keyradominique/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/keyra_thomas?s=09

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/kdt1993/

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Stop Hating On the Confidence

I always advocate for self-confidence and body positivity because I know how important it is for people to find love for themselves. There’s nothing sadder than believing you have to ask others for permission to love yourself. I see so many people do this and when they don’t get the recognition they seek, they fall into depression. I have been in that place myself and I know just how easy it is to fall into the habit of looking to others for the approval that you can’t find within yourself.

What’s crazier is that people actually want you to seek their permission to love yourself! Have you ever noticed how people want someone who is confident, but also want them to seek their permission to be confident? They want someone who loves themselves, but they put people down if they don’t fit their criteria. People want you to look a certain kind of way, dress a certain kind of way, or live a certain kind of way in order to gain their approval. I refuse to do it and so should you. You don’t need anyone to tell you that it’s okay to love yourself.

I have seen men and women alike post a picture of themselves and take the picture down because of comments that were negative. Sometimes the comments came from total strangers and sometimes they came from people that they know. When they uploaded the picture they loved it but it only took a matter of minutes for them to lose that confidence. It’s extremely easy to sit behind a keyboard and talk badly about others, especially when you don’t even like yourself. Social media has led to what I call “troll culture”. These people make it a point to troll others and make people feel bad about themselves but guess what? Not anymore.

Take your power back! Take your confidence back! Take your self-love back! Tell the trolls to STOP HATING ON THE CONFIDENCE and find some. You weren’t put on this earth to be judged by the people around you, especially if that judgement is making you unhappy. I want people to see that I have stretch marks. I want them to see that I have fat. I want them to see that my hair is kinky. I want them to see my eczema and acne scars. I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE ME!

The reason for that is, I want others to embrace who they are without worrying about what everyone thinks. I know it’s not easy but trust me it is so worth it. You will see a lot of differences in the way that you think and act. That shirt you didn’t think you could wear? You’ll wear it. Those shoes you thought you were too tall for? You’ll wear them. The outfit you’ve put off wearing because you didn’t think you could pull it off? You will rock it and dare a hater to hate.

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I talk more on this subject in my podcast Stop Hating On the Confidence. Be sure to listen and let me know what you think. Also, don’t forget to comment, like, share, and follow!

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Team Natural

I always want people to see me in the most authentic way possible. I feel like it’s important because there are so many people quick to put out false representations of themselves in order to impress others. None of us are perfect but that’s okay! You don’t have to be. This is something I had a hard time figuring out the first time I went natural. It’s not easy to embrace things that people usually tell you are not attractive. That’s how I felt about my hair.

I can’t help the type of hair that grows out of my head but I used to hate the way it looked. Ridiculous right?! I wanted to have the loose curly hair that everyone deemed “good hair”. I didn’t like the idea of having kinkier hair. Looking back, I see how important it is to learn how to love things before letting others color your perception of it. I had already convinced myself that I should not like my hair because of what other people thought and oh how wrong I was.

Our hair is unique to us, and that uniqueness should be embraced. One thing I learned was that despite everyone having similar curl patterns and textures, no one’s hair is exactly the same. Different parts of my hair are literally different curl patterns AND textures! The back my hair is around a 4b curl pattern and the front is more of a 4c curl pattern. For those of you who don’t know what that means, see the chart below:

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The texture of my hair lies somewhere between type 6 and 7:

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Loving your hair is a journey, and not an easy one at that. I think everyone should figure what works best for them and learn to embrace what makes them happy. I’m team natural because I WANT TO BE but if you aren’t, do you hun! What matters most is that: 1. Your hair is healthy

2. You love it!

To hear me talk more about this topic, listen to my podcast called Hair: If You Like It I Love It. I talk a little more about my natural hair journey and experience. Let me know what you think. Also, don’t forget to comment, like, share, and follow.

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Cardi b & Nicki Minaj

Over the last year there has been comparisons made between Nicki Minaj and Cardi b. Many people saying that Cardi has taken influence from Nicki’s style (in fashion and rapping). What’s interesting about this is that the same thing happened to Nicki when she first started to rise in the industry. People accused her of biting Lil Kim’s  style. After that, there was beef between her and Remy Ma. Now that it has died down, there is a strange infatuation with whatever issues Nicki and Cardi have with each other. My question is why?

People are no stranger to rap beefs. Some of the best songs came as a result of rap beefs. One of the best examples of this can be seen with No Vaseline by Ice Cube. Sometimes it is because of actual issues present between the artist and other times it comes as a result of an obvious publicity stunt.

Despite that being the case, there is a strange infatuation with female rappers and beef between them now. They have to fight even harder to earn the respect that men get in the industry, but for some reason it seems as if there is only room for one to rule. Despite there being more than one title male rappers tend to credit to themselves, there apparently can only be one queen. The feeling that not everyone can get a piece of the pie is especially prevalent when it comes to female MC’s in this industry. You can’t like both. It has to be one or the other. This has helped add to tensions already present between Cardi and Nicki.

It’s almost as if the world does not want to see both win. This beef they have has soared to newer heights after the fight that happened at a recent party. Things were said, hands were thrown, let’s talk about it.

(Picture credited to the shaderoom)

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What Happened? Social Media

When did we start letting social media control who we are? When did it start being about everyone but us?

I remember a time when we could be ourselves on social media: When being ourselves was the whole point. Now it’s turned into a sort of competition. Everyone wants to seem like they are living the best life even when they aren’t. It’s become a breeding ground for people who have either become narcissistic or depressed. There is a false sense of security with being popular online that many have become accustomed to.

Remember when we were just content with being in someone’s top friends on Myspace? Remember when we were just exited to meet other people our age from another school? Remember when we were just happy to have a way to connect with family and friends we never get to see? Now we’re more concerned about what Karen from finance thinks about our outfit. It’s not fair. We need to take it back. We need to learn how to embrace ourselves without being fearful of what everyone else might think.

For some, trolling is a full time job. They enjoy trying to make other people feel miserable. They hide behind fake google images and random images so that they can bully other people online. Why do they have so much power? It’s because we’ve given it to them. I’ve been called fat, unattractive, been told I need to lose weight, and it will probably only get worse in the future. Why? Because trolls will always exist as long as social media (actually the internet) exists. I’ve learned to tune it out and show them that I won’t be defeated by their words. I spent enough time tearing myself down, I’m not about to let others do the same.

Below is from my recent podcast where I talk a little more about this topic. Give it a listen and let me know what you think. Be sure to like, comment, share, and follow me while you’re at it.

Thanks for reading and thanks for listening!!

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Lupus Warriors

This post is dedicated to my strong mama, my strong auntie, and my strong sister. They each have lupus and are some of the strongest and bravest people I know: PERIOD. Each day they fight against themselves for control of their life and win. Not only are they fighters but they often times go misunderstood by even the people closest to them. Lupus isn’t something you typically see so most people who have don’t look “sick”.

For anyone who is unfamiliar, lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease. According to the Lupus Foundation of America, it is a disease that can damage any part of the body (skin, joints, and/or organs). “Chronic” means that the signs and symptoms tend to last longer than six weeks and often for many years. Each person is different and this disease manifests differently for most people. Sometimes there are noticeable signs of it on the skin but it also shows up as pain felt by the person with lupus, and not seen by others.

Those with lupus can suffer from a whole host of problems. Here are some listed below…

The most common symptoms of lupus (which are the same for men and women) are:
  • Extreme fatigue (tiredness)
  • Headaches
  • Painful or swollen joints
  • Fever
  • Anemia (low numbers of red blood cells or hemoglobin, or low total blood volume)
  • Swelling (edema) in feet, legs, hands, and/or around eyes
  • Pain in chest on deep breathing (pleurisy)
  • Butterfly-shaped rash across cheeks and nose
  • Sun- or light-sensitivity (photosensitivity)
  • Hair loss
  • Abnormal blood clotting
  • Fingers turning white and/or blue when cold
  • Mouth or nose ulcers

What’s sad is that this disease can be treated but not cured. There is research being done on this disease which you can donate to by going to the Lupus Foundation of America’s website:

https://www.lupus.org/

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I felt the need to discuss these ladies because lupus is still something that not very many people know of. It’s usually not noticeable to others so the pain they feel is usually greater than what they let on. Not only that, but it can lead to a whole host of other medical problems. My mom for instance, is very susceptible to getting sick because her body does not fight back properly against the disease. My sister and aunt both have had it manifest in ways such as swelling and discoloration of skin. They fight just to do everyday things most of us take for granted. That’s exactly why I made this podcast episode for them. If you have time, give it a listen.

As always, be sure to like, comment, and share.

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The Dark Cloud of Depression

🚨New Post Alert🚨

This is from an episode of my podcast Vitamin Key is called:

The Dark Cloud of Depression

I talk a little about my thoughts on depression, people’s perception of it, and my own experience with it. It’s not an easy thing to tell people you deal with for fear of being judged, but I think it’s important that we talk about it more if people are to start being able to deal with it.

When people think about depression they usually think about the commercials. Not the actual experience of being in a state of depression. Let’s be honest: most people don’t understand it and many don’t take the time to. It makes them uncomfortable and it’s not easy to help someone who has it. I talk a little about this in my podcast. Take a listen. Let me know what you think, and let’s talk about it.